Diamond Dust — Chapter 11

WHERE AM I...?

THIS ISN'T MY ROOM. IT'S NOT HYUNG'S PLACE, OR MS. HAN'S EITHER...

OH, RIGHT. I WAS HELPING OUT WITH THE OLD FUTURE SHOOT AT MR. LIU'S HOUSE.

AND THEN...

UNLIKE SOLITUDE, ISOLATION IS A CONCEPT THAT ONLY EXISTS IN RELATION TO BEING "OTHERED."

IT'S A FEELING THAT ARISES ONLY WHEN YOU'RE REJECTED OR EXCLUDED...AN EMOTION IMPOSSIBLE TO EXPERIENCE ON YOUR OWN.

AS YOU LOOK AT THIS PIECE, YOU MAY BE REMINDED OF EMOTIONS THAT EVERYONE EXPERIENCES AT LEAST ONCE IN LIFE...

A LONGING AND ENVY FOR THINGS THAT ARE WARM, BEAUTIFUL, AND FULL OF MUTUAL LOVE.

AND WITH THEM, A FEELING OF ISOLATION.

YOU MAY ALSO FIND COMFORT IN REALIZING THAT THOSE SHAMEFUL FEELINGS YOU TRIED TO HIDE...

WEREN'T YOURS ALONE.

THROUGH THE ARTIST'S ISOLATION, YOU MAY FIND CONNECTION.

SUKI KIM'S REVIEW FELT LIKE A DIRECT TRANSLATION OF MY PAINTING INTO WORDS.

MORE THAN WINNING THE AWARD, WHAT TRULY MOVED ME WAS THE FEELING OF FINALLY BEING UNDERSTOOD.

EVERYTHING I THOUGHT I KNEW UP UNTIL THAT POINT CAME CRASHING DOWN.

I VIVIDLY REMEMBER REACHING THROUGH THE CRACKS AND FINALLY CONNECTING WITH SOMETHING OUTSIDE OF MYSELF FOR THE FIRST TIME. BUT THEN...

THE ACCIDENT, MY MOTHER'S DEATH...

...AND MY FATHER, WHO, HIMSELF, FELL INTO COMPLETE ISOLATION WHEN FORCED INTO A WORLD WHERE MY MOTHER NO LONGER EXISTED.

EVERYTHING AFTER THAT DAY SHATTERED THE WORLD I HAD ONCE KNOWN IN ONE FELL SWOOP.

I THOUGHT I'D COME A LONG WAY IN FIVE YEARS...

...BUT LOOK AT ME NOW.

HUH...?

DID I CHANGE CLOTHES?

BECAUSE THIS IS MY PAINTING.

I DON'T REMEMBER ANYTHING AFTER THAT.

OH...

MY PAINTING IS GONE...

YOU SHOULD SLEEP A LITTLE LONGER.

I-I’M SORRY.

I DIDN’T REALLY HAVE AN APPETITE, BUT I FORCED MYSELF TO EAT ANYWAY, SO I THINK IT UPSET MY STOMACH.

I PROBABLY HAD A BIT TOO MUCH TO DRINK, TOO...

I'M NOT USUALLY THIS WEAK. I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED.

DID I PASS OUT?

YOU'RE NOT FEELING WELL. THERE'S NO NEED TO MAKE UP AN EXCUSE.

I WON'T ASK ANY QUESTIONS.

I'M ONLY TELLING YOU THIS BECAUSE YOU SEEM ANXIOUS ABOUT NOT REMEMBERING...

...BUT YOU DIDN'T PASS OUT. YOU STARTED HYPERVENTILATING, SO I HELPED CALM YOU DOWN.

I SUPPORTED YOU FOR A BIT, BUT YOU WALKED TO THE BEDROOM ON YOUR OWN. YOU DIDN’T DO ANYTHING TO BE EMBARRASSED ABOUT.

I’M SORRY FOR CAUSING SO MUCH TROUBLE...

I KNOW YOU DON’T THINK I’M EXACTLY OVERFLOWING WITH KINDNESS...

...BUT I’M NOT SO HEARTLESS AS TO THINK SOMEONE IS A BURDEN JUST BECAUSE THEY’RE NOT FEELING WELL.

I ALREADY TOLD YUNI AND JUHAN THAT YOU WERE SICK AND NEEDED TO REST.

THANK YOU...

THERE’S SOME EGG PORRIDGE IN THE KITCHEN. TRY TO EAT A LITTLE AND GET SOME MORE SLEEP.

NO, I’M OKAY NOW. I SHOULD GO.

EVEN IF I KNOW, RATIONALLY, THAT HYPERVENTILATION WON’T KILL SOMEONE...

...WATCHING A PERSON CLING TO YOU LIKE THEY’RE ABOUT TO DIE...

...ISN’T EXACTLY A PLEASANT EXPERIENCE.

IF YOU REALLY DON’T WANT TO BE A BOTHER TO ME...

JUST STAY HERE TONIGHT SO I DON’T HAVE TO WORRY.

I ALREADY TOLD DIRECTOR HAN THAT YOU WEREN’T FEELING WELL AND FELL ASLEEP.

IT WOULD BE RUDE TO KEEP REFUSING...

THANK YOU.

JUST FOCUS ON TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF FOR THE TIME BEING.

CLEAR YOUR MIND AND DON'T WORRY ABOUT ANYTHING.

LET YOUR BRAIN SWITCH OFF FOR A BIT, OKAY?

THIS ISN'T THE TIME TO BE THINKING THIS...

...BUT HE'S SO MATURE. HE TOOK CARE OF EVERYTHING FOR ME.

DID HE MAKE THIS HIMSELF?

WHETHER YOU’RE STRUGGLING MENTALLY OR PHYSICALLY...

IT’S BEST TO STICK TO YOUR USUAL ROUTINE AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE WHEN THINGS GET TOUGH.

IF YOU SKIP MEALS BECAUSE YOU’VE LOST YOUR APPETITE, YOU’RE GIVING YOUR INNER DEMONS ROOM TO CREEP IN.

EVEN IF IT’S JUST A LITTLE, TRY TO EAT LIKE YOU NORMALLY WOULD.

IT’S HOW WE SHOW THOSE DEMONS THAT WE HAVEN’T GIVEN UP ON OURSELVES YET.

THAT’S WHAT MATTERS.

W-WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

TO GET YOU A BLANKET...

I'M FINE. IT'S NOT BECAUSE I'M COLD...

DO YOU NOT WANT ME TO LEAVE?

HERE, AT LEAST WEAR THIS.

N-NO, REALLY, I'M NOT COLD.

JUST LISTEN TO ME.

YOU'RE NOT FEELING WELL, AND IT'S RAINING, SO YOUR BODY TEMPERATURE HAS DROPPED. YOU JUST CAN'T TELL RIGHT NOW.

IT'S STILL WARM.

HIS SWEATER MAKES ME FEEL AT EASE...

MAYBE I REALLY WAS COLD...

DID YOU BRUSH YOUR TEETH?

YES...

YOUR BANGS ARE WET.

HE'S BEING SO GENTLE...

THEN AGAIN, I GUESS IT'S HARD TO ACT INDIFFERENT TOWARD SOMEONE WHO NEARLY PASSED OUT RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU.

SLEEP IN THIS ROOM TONIGHT. I'LL STAY IN THE OTHER ONE.

OH...

YOU'RE LIKE A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT PERSON WHEN YOU'RE NOT FEELING WELL.

WOULD YOU RATHER I STAYED?

SHOULD I GET IN BED WITH YOU?

HAHA...

I'LL STAY ON THE SOFA UNTIL YOU FALL ASLEEP, SO JUST LIE DOWN.

YOU CAN TAKE THAT SWEATER OFF IF IT'S UNCOMFORTABLE.

OKAY, THEN.

CLOSE YOUR EYES.

GOODNIGHT.

A SOFT BLANKET, THE SOUND OF RAIN AGAINST THE WINDOWPANE...

...AND SOMEONE BY MY SIDE, WATCHING OVER ME.

I SHOULD FEEL AT PEACE...BUT INSTEAD, THOUGHTS KEEP FLOODING IN LIKE WATER THROUGH A BROKEN DAM.

HOW DID MY PAINTING END UP HERE?

I WAS TOLD SUKI KIM BOUGHT IT...

I WOULDN'T BE SURPRISED IF SHE SOLD IT LATER...

...BUT THE FACT THAT IT'S HERE NOW...

MR. LIU...?

DID YOU...LIKE THAT PAINTING?

WHAT AM I EVEN HOPING TO HEAR?

IT'S NOT LIKE HEARING THAT HE LIKED IT WOULD MAKE THE PAIN GO AWAY.

SEO YEEHYEON...

...DO YOU WANT ME TO HELP YOU FORGET?

I CAN MAKE IT SO THAT YOU CAN'T THINK ABOUT ANYTHING...

...SO THAT NOTHING MATTERS ANYMORE...

LEAN

I CAN DO THAT FOR YOU.

AH...