My Beloved Oppressor — Chapter 44

Dearest Annette,

the clouds have yet to clear here. how is it over there? i hope it's not as cold.

if i knew you were going to the front lines, i would have done anything to stop you.

you can be so stubborn, really.

how are you? i hope you're doing well.

i wonder when olivia will finally start speaking.

i can't wait to hear her say "mommy."

i'll make sure to teach her your name too for when you return.

we all miss you.

you must come back right away once the war ends.

alright?

Dearest Annette,

i write with hope that things will be better by the time my letter arrives.

i'm praying for everyone's safe returns.

by the way, do you remember hans? the one who tried to make passes at you.

bruner's acquaintance.

apparently he's enlisting too. he'll be going to the rear with the other recruits.

i went to see him off with bruner. he's a pain in the neck, but seeing him leave for war made me tear up a bit.

i've been going to church daily as of late.

everyone is living in fear because of the war.

i pray for everyone, and for you, annette, all the time.

dearest annette, i'm so proud of you!

oh, it's such great news! your last letter made me so hopeful...

i nearly fell over at the news of our victory.

so your ex-husband came to visit you? oh, dear...

to be honest, i thought he might. he called me right after he found out you joined.

he was furious, as you can imagine... so, did he hear you out at all?

Annette,

we are all waiting for your safe return.

i know i don't have the right to talk you out of it...

but at the very least, i hope you'll move to the rear if you wish to stay.

may the heavens guide and protect you always.

To Annette Rozenberg.

With Love, Catherine Groth.

Episode 44

I...

I WAS CHECKING THE INVENTORY.

I HADN’T BEEN FEELING WELL, BUT I DIDN’T THINK I WOULD FAINT...

I WONDER IF IT WAS THE STRESS.

WHERE... AM I?

I MUST HAVE BEEN OUT FOR A WHILE...

IS THIS A PRIVATE ROOM? THERE WEREN'T ANY ROOMS LIKE THIS AT THE HOSPITAL...

PERHAPS IT'S FOR THE HIGHER UPS...?

...I SHOULD LEAVE.

HUH?

YOU'RE AWAKE.

...YOU FAINTED. THEY SAY YOU'RE OVERWORKED.

MALNUTRITION...

AND SLEEP DEPRIVATION ON TOP OF THAT.

GO BACK IN. YOU NEED TO GET SOME MORE REST.

NO, I--

LIE DOWN.

I NEED TO LEAVE.

IF OTHER PEOPLE FIND OUT--

I MADE THE ARRANGEMENTS FOR YOU TO STAY HERE.

NO ONE OUTSIDE KNOWS, SO DON'T WORRY.

...THAT'S AN ORDER.

PLEASE DO NOT CALL ME FOR PERSONAL MATTERS ANYMORE.

...EVEN AFTER THE DIVORCE,

I'M STILL NOT FREE FROM THIS MAN.

COMMANDER, I'M DISAPPOINTED YOU AREN'T RESPECTING MY WISHES.

DISAPPOINTED, YOU SAY.

I CLEARLY STATED THAT I DON'T WISH TO SEE YOU.

SO WHY DID YOU BRING ME TO YOUR PERSONAL BARRACKS?

THEN SHOULD I HAVE LEFT YOU ON THE FLOOR?

I KNOW YOUR REPUTATION WITHIN THE HOSPITAL IS NOT GOOD.

I FIGURED YOU WOULDN'T GET PROPER REST IF I LEFT YOU THERE.

THEN YOU SHOULD HAVE JUST KEPT ME AT THE FRONT LINES!

AT LEAST THERE, I WOULDN'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS KIND OF STRESS!

HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO JUST LEAVE YOU THERE IN THE FRONT LINES?

IT'S WORSE FOR ME HERE! AT LEAST THERE,

I DIDN'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH THE RUMORS, THE CONDESCENSION, OR MEETING YOU!

OR PERHAPS YOU'RE ENJOYING ALL OF THIS.

YOU'RE ENJOYING MY PAIN, AREN'T YOU?!

I DIDN'T KNOW SHE COULD BE SARCASTIC.

ANNETTE. I REALLY DON'T WANT TO FIGHT WITH YOU.

WE WOULDN'T BE FIGHTING IF WE DIDN'T SEE EACH OTHER LIKE THIS.

WHY IS IT THAT WHENEVER WE MEET--

BECAUSE I CAN'T UNDERSTAND!

YOU'RE THE ONE WHO DESTROYED EVERYTHING FOR ME. SO WHY ARE YOU ACTING LIKE THIS NOW?!

IF YOU'RE STILL SEEKING REVENGE, JUST SAY IT!

THEN MAYBE I WOULD UNDERSTAND!

I'M JUST TRYING TO GIVE BACK WHAT I CAN TO YOU. I MEAN IT!

WHY ARE YOU MAKING THINGS HARDER?

DON'T YOU REMEMBER?

YOU TOLD ME NOT TO THINK AT ALL.

TO JUST TAKE WHAT IS GIVEN TO ME.

THAT THAT'S WHAT I DO BEST.

ANNETTE, I--

YOU WERE RIGHT.

MY WHOLE LIFE, I AVOIDED THINKING.

WHICH IS WHY I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT ANYMORE.

I'M GOING TO SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE TRYING TO UNDERSTAND OTHER PEOPLE.

...UNDERSTAND?

YOU?

YOU WANT TO UNDERSTAND...

...SOMEONE ELSE'S LIFE?

...NO.

NO. YOU'LL... NEVER UNDERSTAND...

RIGHT.

THAT MAY BE TRUE.

BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN I WON'T TRY.

...RIGHT. YOU CAN TRY.

AND YET, I AM STILL NOT PART OF YOUR EFFORTS.

YOU DON'T HATE ME NOR UNDERSTAND ME...

ANNETTE. YOU'RE SO...

EVERYTHING I DID... WAS POINTLESS.

I DIDN'T EVEN MANAGE TO REMAIN IN YOUR MEMORIES, DID I?

I LOVED YOU!

THAT IS WHY I REFUSE TO HATE YOU OR UNDERSTAND YOU!!!

BECAUSE THAT WILL ONLY HURT US BOTH!

DO YOU NOT GET IT?! IF YOU KEEP DOING THIS, IT WILL RUIN US BOTH!

WHY DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND!!!

LOVE? DON'T LIE TO ME!

THAT'S ALL A FACADE! YOU NEVER WANTED TO BE A PART OF MY LIFE!

OF COURSE IT WASN'T LOVE! BECAUSE THE HEINER I LOVED WASN'T REAL!

SO WHAT? I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THE REAL YOU IN THE FIRST PLACE!

IF YOU KNOW THAT, DON'T YOU DARE SAY THAT YOU LOVED ME!!!

YOU'VE NEVER LOVED ME, NOT ONCE!

EVEN AFTER YOU REALIZED I TRICKED YOU, YOU NEVER TRIED TO FIND OUT ABOUT THE REAL ME!

YOU DIDN'T WANT TO KNOW! YOU CLUNG TO PAST ILLUSIONS AND ONLY DREAMED OF GOING BACK!

YOU TURNED A BLIND EYE TO REALITY!!!

I KNEW. I KNEW IT WAS ALL A LIE.

I KNEW...

...THAT YOU'D NEVER RETURN TO ME.

THAT YOU NEVER LOVED ME TO BEGIN WITH...

THAT THERE WAS NO TURNING BACK ANYMORE...

I KNEW IT ALL TOO WELL.

BUT I COULDN'T CONFIRM THAT WITH YOU.

BECAUSE THEN, I WOULD REALLY BE LEFT WITH NOTHING.

I WOULD HAVE NO REASON TO LIVE.

BECAUSE MY BEST OPTION WOULD BE DEATH.

YOU DON'T KNOW... THE RESOLVE I'M CLINGING TO RIGHT NOW.

SO WHY...

WHY DO YOU KEEP HURTING ME...

WHAT...

DO I...

WHAT DO I WANT TO DO?

WHAT DO I WANT FROM HER?

...DON'T CRY.

I DON'T...

DON'T CRY, ANNETTE.

...KNOW ANYTHING.

PLEASE...

I NEVER KNOW WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU CRY...

BEING WITH YOU MAKES ME SO WRETCHED...