OH, HOW I MISSED THIS WARMTH...
IT'S FUNNY HOW I WANT THIS MAN EVEN NOW.
WHERE DOES THIS TWISTED DESIRE BEGIN? WHERE DOES IT END?
MY PHILOSOPHY TEACHER ONCE TOLD ME...
"...ONLY DEATH DESIRES NOTHING."
IF SO, MUST WE CONTINUE THIS SUFFOCATING DANCE...
...TEARING EACH OTHER APART LIKE THORNS IN EACH OTHER'S ARMS?
TILL DEATH DO US PART.?
THIS...
NO, THIS ISN'T RIGHT.
...IN THE PAST.
I FOUGHT WITHOUT END, ALWAYS IN DIFFERENT UNIFORMS.
I LEARNED THE HARD WAY HOW FRIGHTENING JUSTICE WAS.
AND YET...
FROM THE MOMENT I JOINED THE REVOLUTION AND ROSE THROUGH THE RANKS,
I HID BEHIND THE NAME OF JUSTICE.
BUT...
I HAVE NEVER BEEN A RIGHTEOUS HUMAN BEING.
BECAUSE FOR ME, THERE WAS ALWAYS SOMETHING MORE IMPORTANT.
I DON'T DESERVE TO CALL YOU A BAD PERSON.
EVEN SO, I PLACED THE BURDEN OF MY SCARS UPON YOU.
...I'VE ALWAYS KNOWN THAT.
PERHAPS THAT IS WHY THE HEAVENS TOOK EVERYTHING FROM ME.
NO ONE HAS EVER STAYED. NOT ONE PERSON.
BUT I WON'T LET YOU DO THE SAME.
YOU...
IT'S ONLY RIGHT THAT YOU STAY BY MY SIDE.
WHY...
WHY IS IT THAT AS HE BROUGHT UP HIS PAST FOR THE FIRST TIME...
...I SAW A PROFOUND GRIEF?
WHAT WAS YOUR PAST LIKE?
WAS I PART OF IT?
WHAT AM I TO YOU?
BUT IT'S TOO LATE TO ASK NOW.
BECAUSE SOME THINGS IN LIFE BECOME IRREVERSIBLE THE MOMENT THEY COME TO LIGHT.
I'M RELIEVING YOU OF YOUR DUTIES FOR THE TIME BEING.
...WH-WHAT?
JUST FOR NOW. YOU'LL RECEIVE ORDERS TO RELOCATE SOON,
SO STAY IN THESE BARRACKS UNTIL THEN.
COMMANDER!
AFTER THAT, SINCE YOU WISHED FOR IT...
I WON'T INTERFERE IN YOUR LIFE ANYMORE.
I'LL BECOME A COMPLETE STRANGER TO YOU.
SO LISTEN TO ME JUST THIS ONCE.
Dear Annette,
p.s.
speaking of your ex-husband...
...sometimes i felt that you still hadn't forgotten him.
i don't think you still love him. it's just... you seem to be unable to forget him.
but annette. you don't have to try so hard.
some memories can just never be forgotten. so don't beat yourself up.
you were always trying to justify your feelings.
so if that's the case, i'll give you permission. it's alright to do as you wish, even for just a bit.
i hope i've earned the right to give you that.
Episode 45
AFTER THE FORCED LEAVE...
...I WASN'T ABLE TO RETURN TO MY PLACE...
AND WAS INSTEAD MOVED TO A SMALL ROOM IN HEINER'S BARRACKS.
I KNEW THERE WOULD BE MUCH TALK ABOUT MY ABSENCE...
...BUT I WAS TOO TIRED TO CARE ABOUT ALL THAT.
JUST LIKE THAT, MY DAILY ROUTINE CHANGED.
THERE WAS NOTHING TO DO, SO I SPENT MY TIME READING OR SLEEPING.
EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED HERE WAS CLASSIFIED...
...AND I WASN'T ALLOWED TO MEET ANY OUTSIDERS.
THE ONLY PERSON I REALLY INTERACTED WITH...
HAVE YOU EATEN?
HARD BREAD AND WATERY SOUP.
IT SEEMS HIS RANK DOESN'T WARRANT ANY PREFERENTIAL TREATMENT.
I KNOW I CAN'T COMPLAIN ABOUT THE FOOD SINCE WE'RE AT WAR,
BUT HOW MUCH LONGER DO WE HAVE TO EAT THIS?
YOU STILL HAVE THAT HABIT OF PLAYING WITH YOUR FOOD.
...WHAT?
WHEN DID I DO THAT?
YOU ALWAYS DID IT WHEN YOU WERE UPSET OR DIDN'T LIKE THE DISH.
ISN'T THAT NORMALLY THE CASE?
YOU'RE TOO PICKY.
YOU'RE THE ONE WITH LOW STANDARDS.
YOU EAT THINGS THAT ARE TASTELESS WITHOUT THOUGHT. YOU EVEN ATE SPOILED FOOD ONCE.
I JUST DIDN'T COMPLAIN ABOUT IT BACK THEN.
WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SOMETHING THEN?
I DIDN'T WANT TO BE SEEN AS A PICKY WOMAN.
...WHAT...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
ISN'T IT OBVIOUS? WE WERE DATING.
SO I WANTED TO IMPRESS YOU, OF COURSE.
TO ME...
...ANNETTE WAS ALWAYS SOMEONE I HAD TO WIN OVER.
I ALWAYS HAD TO IMPRESS HER...
...AND I WAS ALWAYS CAREFUL NOT TO UPSET HER.
I WAS AFRAID ANY SLIP UPS...
WOULD END OUR RELATIONSHIP.
AT LEAST... THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT.
BUT ANNETTE ALSO FELT THE SAME WAY?
THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE...
SHE'S JUST SAYING THAT...
ALSO...
THERE'S SOMEONE I WANT TO SEE BEFORE I GO.
WHO IS IT? A SOLDIER?
YES. I FIGURED I SHOULD NOTIFY HIM OF MY LEAVE.
YOU MAY NOT.
EVERYTHING HERE IS CONFIDENTIAL.
DID YOU FORGET?
THEN LET ME AT LEAST SEND A LETTER.
IT'LL JUST BE A FEW SENTENCES ABOUT MY LEAVE.
IS IT THAT SERGEANT?
WHY DOES IT MATTER WHO IT IS?
ARE YOU GOING TO MARRY HIM AFTER THE WAR?
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
WE ONLY GOT TO KNOW EACH OTHER A LITTLE BECAUSE OF OUR TIME IN THE FRONT LINES.
IS THAT WHAT HE THINKS TOO? I BET THAT'S NOT THE CASE.
...THAT'S...
...SOMETHING I'VE BEEN TRYING TO IGNORE...
I KNOW YOU'RE NOT CLUELESS ENOUGH TO NOT NOTICE THAT.
ARE YOU PLANNING ON STARTING ANEW WITH A SOLDIER WHO ONLY KNOWS OF WAR?
I NEVER THOUGHT THAT.
WELL. WHERE ARE YOU GOING TO GO WHEN THE WAR IS OVER?
YOU CAN'T LIVE IN CATHERINE GROTH'S HOUSE FOREVER.
FOR SOMEONE LIKE YOU WHO HAS NEVER LIVED ALONE AND IS WELL KNOWN...
...REMARRIAGE IS IDEAL.
BECAUSE YOU'RE STILL YOUNG AND BEAUTIFUL,
THAT'S ENOUGH TO ATTRACT PLENTY OF FOOLS, LIKE THAT SERGEANT.
SO WHAT?
WHAT DOES IT MATTER TO YOU IF I REMARRY?
YOU SAID YOU'D BE A COMPLETE STRANGER.
WHY DOES HE ALWAYS TRY TO EAT WITH ME IF HE'S GOING TO BE THIS WAY?
I'LL FINISH MY MEAL IN MY ROOM.
I EXPECT YOU TO KEEP YOUR WORD.
...RIGHT.
A FEW DAYS PASSED SINCE THEN.
IT'S BEEN SO NOISY OUTSIDE LATELY...
WHAT'S GOING ON...?
THE VERY AIR FELT STRAINED.
I WASN'T ABLE TO SEE HEINER FOR A WHILE.
I WANTED TO GO TO THE CHURCH TO PRAY, BUT I COULDN'T DO AS I PLEASED.
I HOPE IT ISN’T A BIG DEAL...
MAY I ENTER?
HEINER’S VOICE... IT’S BEEN A FEW DAYS.
OH. GOOD...
YES, YOU MAY.
SORRY TO INTERRUPT...
HEINER...?!
In this chapter, Annette confronts her perverse desire for Heiner and questions their suffocating dance in which they tear at each other like thorns. Heiner opens up about his past for the first time; he confesses that he rose through the revolution and hid behind justice, but was not honest. His removal from duty, confinement to a small room in the barracks, and old flirting memories at the dinner table turn into a harsh argument about jealousy. After days of silence, Heiner knocks on her door.
